Mind you, this is America. We've always been sociable, a little bit different (and frankly, a little bit better) than other countries--and plan to stay that way. New blood is almost always welcome, but we can afford to be picky. At the moment, you need us far more than we need you, so keep that in mind.
I know, I know: "America is a nation of immigrants." True enough. The ancestors of every last soul living on this big, beautiful piece of land came from somewhere else. Even those folks we mistakenly call Native Americans came from Asia--in calling them Indians, Columbus was almost right for the wrong reason--but so what? Go back far enough, that's true of most countries on earth. Humans move around, seeking greener pastures. Just like you.
Look, I can see how badly you want to move to our particular lush pasture--and I would, too, if I were you--but that's not reason enough. Look at it this way: a vagrant wants to move into the mansion on the hill, too, but someone already lives there. Somebody bought or built it, painted and furnished it, plants the flowers and pays the property taxes. Someone shelters children there and has cultivated years of memories. Now pretend that someone is you and suppose that vagrant is a great guy down on his luck. Maybe he has a family to feed. Life can be hard. You might give the vagrant a few bucks, or more than a few, if you're a good fellow, but he must move along. The mansion is yours, not his.
Now don't you dare tell me that your ancestors once owned half of my country, giving you the right to be here. They never owned it--only claimed it--amd their claim on it was no stronger than any other European colonial power. Battles were fought, deals were made--it's all in history books. What Spain and France lost or sold is gone forever. The first actual independent nation, with actual borders--you can see it on a globe--on the American land mass was the United States. The same country you say you want to be a part of now. And I don't blame you.
But this country is not yours. Not yet. Your mere itch to live and work here cuts no cheese; no matter how much you want us, we have to want you. And (think of American life as a pot luck dinner) we don't want you unless you're good company and bring something to the table. Something we want or need. Something we're hungry for. (And two things we've had more than our fill of are empty-handed mouths to feed and automatic votes for Democrats.) That something might be a skill, a sound character, a particular area of education or even the willingness to work hard. But don't tell me you're here to "do a job Americans won't do." The reason Americans won't do them is because you're willing to do them for next to nothing. If you ever do become an American, you won't do them either. This might be be the land of the free, friend, but it's not the land of the cheap.
And never mind what you've heard, most Americans don't give a fig for diversity and don't have any special respect for it. Being different, by itself, is no selling point, but if it becomes an issue, it can be a deal breaker. Americans come from all over, sure, but that misses the point. The only real, worthy diversity is expressed in individual human beings, not groups. America was known as a melting pot where group differences dissolved. Some people would rather we were a tossed salad, but we can't afford to let that happen. It doesn't work; and America became great not because of diversity, but because of its overcoming.
Look, friend, I can see that you have a better tan than me and I can hear that your English stinks. Granted, my Spanish stinks worse, but I've got a pretty good handle on English, which is what we speak here. Hey, if I knew I was moving to Spain, I'd hunker down with some language tapes, and by the time my plane hit the runway in Barcelona, I'd be speaking bad Spanish with a ridiculous accent, but determined to improve. I wouldn't expect them to change all the signs just so I could read them. I'd read everything I could get my hands on about my new country--especially about its history and heritage--and I wouldn't walk the streets waving Old Glory and yapping about George Washington. That would be bad manners. In America, we're sick to death of bad manners.
About that brown skin--in America, very few of us care. Americans come in all colors. Always have, from the beginning. Folks a lot darker than you fought in our war for independence. Like all of humanity, we've had problems with race, but we're unique in history for the bold and bloody steps we've taken to solve them. In our determination to live together as neighbors. Not just neighbors, but good neighbors. Color can't be helped and is no big deal. But culture, traditions and values are. Like any country, we're entitled to be the kind of country most of us want to live in--and to stay the kind of country we've always been. We're not about to change the essential nature of America to suit you--no more than we'll change the language. You're the one who wants to live with us. It's on you to fit in.
Color's no big deal, but in America, character is the biggest deal of all. I don't care what color my neighbor is. I do care if he mows his lawn and schools and disciplines his children. I don't care what music he likes, but I do care how loud he plays it at midnight. I don't care what church he goes to--or even if he goes at all, but I do care whether he shares and honors the same values I live by. I don't care if he's my best friend, but I do care if he's neighborly--and what kind of example he and his family set for my children. So long as it's legal, I don't care what he does for a living, but I do care if he's a parasite on society.
It's been nice chatting with you, alien. I hope I can call you friend. Someday, maybe, if everything I've said makes sense to you, I will call you fellow American. If not, then the time has come to say goodbye.
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